There is this practice that I love profoundly and respect deeply. It is my evertime prayer and a tool that helps me see. It’s keeping my vision clear, mobilizing my energy to stay inspired and work towards liberation while simultaneously being here, content with what is, witnessing the change as it is occurring in all of its subtle forms.
It is my intimate Holy Practice I let no one define and neither should you. It is anything and everything that keeps me open, horizontally and vertically, to be a better being to myself and others.
I still haven’t found a magic tool that would work if I don’t, so this practice is like brushing teeth… it needs to occur regularly.
One of my favorite forms of this loving practice is what I call “The Process”. It is a flow abundant in pranayamas, mudras, bandhas and asanas, guided by a supreme leader, my intuition. There are three stages to this flow of mine.
I start by lighting the fire, turning on the furnace, in the second stage I keep it hot to melt all the stagnations and in the last stage I let it cool down but I live the ember, to burn the leftovers and for the effects to continue throughout the day until I light it up again in my next ritual.
It is a practice that helps me recognize my enraging patterns, the complexes that run my life and keep me in the back seat while hurting myself and potentially others.
Through the process I look at the toxins that are on the edge of my conscious mind, set the intention and start working towards regaining power and freedom by completely feeling all the feelings that arise as I look at the structures and let the memories connected to them finally come through my being in any way or form, I FEEL it in fullness and this is the first step of “The Process”.
The steps are: FEEL (fully) – PROCESS (slowly) – DIGEST (precisely) – ELIMINATE (completely) – INTEGRATE (the teachings).
I was often thinking about how quickly ”the good” passes, how quickly I stop feeling satisfaction after something I recognize as beautiful and on the other hand how long the pain from anything that hurt me stays. What I didn’t notice for a long time was my openness to feeling all the beauty in its fullness, but when it comes to ”the bad” all my doors were shut. I didn’t want to feel it, I didn’t let it process, I often ran away.
It doesn’t have to be something extremely painful and life-changing, it can be simple things like feeling hurt by words or deeds of someone or more often, feeling embarrassed, angry or unhappy about my own actions or reactions and because it is unpleasant to look at my own shadows, I often run away, not letting the feelings travel through me, not wanting to feel the ”hurts”.
Lately, I am learning this is why the darkness keeps haunting me. It is always in front of the door, knocking, asking me to let her in, she is also mine and she deserves to be seen and invited to travel through ”The Process” for her teaching to get integrated. It takes strength and courage for me to invite my shadows in but the reward is a step towards liberation everybody benefits from and I am hungry for it, hungry for being myself in completeness, shine in all the shades of my light, aware of my shadows.
This is where my ritual – ”The Process” – comes to empower me. It is therapeutic and powerful, it begins by courageously feeling, fully staying here, holding space for myself and it finishes with elimination of the waste and integration of the pearls, new knowings, with better understanding and with me behind the wheel. It is a part of growing up, taking responsibility for my actions, facing my fears and other repressed emotions. It is making me see myself as a whole and allowing every existing part of me to have its place, but making me the chauffeur.
This is my Holy Practice, here is where I am.
Autor : Sanja Zalar Gostimirović